The social meet at a bar in town on Saturday is hurtling this way so fast. Looking forward to making new friends to fill in for the ones that have gone missing, as it were.
Have had so many thoughts about the ordeal, a fair bit of anxiety and rumination. I want to be my best self and leave a good impression; but am torn at when to draw the line between being myself and staying a reserved wallflower so as not to let the mental state of ADHD and OCD and whatnot take over to make a complete ass of myself — because I’m not an ass; asses live on a farm. And it’s wierd to have this feelings as an “over-the-hill” guy; society would say that such thoughts are reserved for younger animals.
Am also slightly fearful of not fitting in. Most of the locals know each other, just like it was growing up down in Middle Georgia; everybody I went to school with knew each other, but I didn’t; I never really fit into any social group and the small town thing made everything into sets of cliques. Making it worse, I never really got to make friendship inroads and connections (into these said cliques) due to mom having to work in another city in an opposite direction of where I grew up and not being fully able to take me to where the action was even while trying to do her best, and dad doing his thing and constantly working because…he had his own parenting issues.
Am looking forward to putting faces to names, though; I’ve been running my digital muzzle in this one Telegram chat for about a year now and finally am feeling comfortable enough to make connections.